Don't Judge A Book (part 2)

"Beware, so long as you live, of judging
men by their outward appearance."

~ Jean de La Fontaine ~

The following is the second part of my post on judging others. It is excerpted from my first book, "A Time To Walk: Life Lessons Learned On The Appalachian Trail." If needed, you may read the first part of the post here. Enjoy!

While on the surface the comments directed toward me seem harmless enough, I believe they are reflective of a growing trend in our society of not caring about the feelings of others.

Being on the receving end, I could not help but think of how someone must feel when they’re made fun of because they talk, walk, or look differently.

Other sorts of subtle discrimination occurred any time I would go into a restaurant. I’d have to wait forever to be seated and then only in a corner away from everyone else.

Getting decent service was nearly impossible, and many, many times the service was downright rude. All of these examples are minor, though, compared to what happened in Pennsylvania.

I’d hiked fifteen miles one day and decided to camp near a road. The night went by without incident, but the next morning, I woke up with blurred vision in my right eye that was steadily getting worse. This wasn’t a very good situation to be in, period, but especially for a one eyed man!

I was concerned because I had gone blind in my left eye under similar circumstances, and worried the disease had now moved into my right eye. I gathered up my gear and staggered across the road to a parking lot. Being that it was Sunday, I figured there'd be people coming by to hike in the area for the day.

Just as I’d thought, not long after, an elderly couple pulled up. By this time, my right eye was in a lot of pain. I cupped my hand over it to block out the sunlight and staggered over to their car. I waved hello and motioned them to roll down the window. The lady cracked her window just an inch.

I explained to them that I was a hiker and had hurt my eye and needed some help. Their response? They told me to leave them alone and sped off, leaving me standing there in their dust.

I couldn’t believe it. But after thinking about it, I decided that I probably looked pretty scary to them. They probably just didn’t understand what I wanted. The next time I’d try to be more calm and articulate what I needed. Shortly after, a man and his son pulled up. They got out of their truck and walked my way.

When they got beside me I said, “Excuse me sir. I know I look a mess, but I’m not a bum. I’m a hiker and I need your help. You see, I have this form of cancer that caused me to go blind in my left eye, and I’m afraid it’s now moved into my right eye. I can barely see anything out of it. I don’t know what else to do. Could you please help me?”

After explaining like that, I thought surely he’d help me. But he didn’t. He just told me that he wasn’t going my way and to leave them alone. I couldn’t believe it. I was outraged! More than that, though, I was saddened by the example that he was setting for his son, who was watching every move his father made.

Now, I was really getting worried. What if no one would help? I realized there wasn’t any more I could do about the situation, so I put it in someone’s hands that could. I said a prayer and asked God to send someone my way who'd help me. Within five minutes, a Jeep Cherokee pulled up. Out came a couple, who were about to do a day-hike in the area.

As they approached, I asked if they could look at my right eye for me. She, (her name was Susan) looked at it and said she didn’t see anything stuck in it. They then asked me if I needed a lift somewhere. Another prayer answered! They drove me about fifteen miles, and dropped me off at a hotel, near an interstate.

As soon as I got in my room, I lay down and slept for several hours. When I woke up, my eye was fine.. Apparently, whatever was in it had worked its way out while I slept.

The next day, I was faced with the dilemma of determining where I was, and how to get back to the trail. Across the road from the hotel, was a convenience store. Figuring they’d have a map of the area, I went in to take a look.

Over in one corner of the store were dozens of maps. As I was browsing through one of them, the clerk asked me what I was doing. I explained I was just browsing. She then said that if I wasn’t going to buy anything, I’d have to leave. She didn’t stop there, though. She said if I didn’t leave, she'd call the police.

I couldn’t believe this was happening. She didn’t know me, or anything about me. She just assumed things, because of my appearance. I was so furious that I told her to do what she had to do, because I wasn’t leaving until I was good and ready.

All of these incidents combined taught me a great deal about human behavior, in a way I never would have learned otherwise. I was able to get a firsthand glimpse of what it must feel like to be an unaccepted minority.

In all fairness, I must say there were also many, many good people I met on the trail. People who picked me up in the rain, people who opened their homes up to me, etc. To them, I am forever indebted.

But I think I learned most from the bad examples. Because they reminded me of something we should all keep in mind—none of us, not one, is more special than the other. Sadly, many people forget that. They don’t seem to realize it was a blessing that they’ve arrived where they are today.

Think about it. What makes you more special than a child in India or Somalia that's starving? What did you do to deserve to not have muscular dystrophy? Why weren’t you born mentally retarded? Etc., etc., etc...

My point is this: You really had no control over those things, and neither did they. The best thing you can do, is simply count your blessings, and while you’re at it, treat others like they’re just as special as you, because guess what—they are.

Well, that's it for now. Until next time...

Keep reaching,
Jay

P.S. I would love to hear from you! If you have a comment on this post, please leave it in the comments section, so I can respond to you and others can read it as well. Thanks!

Comments

[Cheryl Yantis]

Thank you my friend. I fit in that spectrum. I tend to have more fear for myself then compassion for others. Not in a normal situation, but by judging the looks of others. Thanks for sharing.

[paz platt]

Excellent post, Jay. It's so sad that in this day and age, people feel they have to be fearful of others (just because of their appearance). I'm sure alot of times it's paranoia and most people won't put themselves out for other people. I'm glad that one couple stopped to help you, I know for a fact that you looked "scary" while you were out on the trail.

[Alan]

Often our first impressions of someone we encounter are tainted by the context we hold in our minds, implanted by past experiences, societal norms, peers and parents. Fortunately there are that rare few that choose to suspend judgement pending further discovery.

[Carole]

So much sensationalism in the news has made us fearful. Feel sorry for the people who shunned you . They live in fear of life.

As a female in a male dominated profession I have often been misunderstood. My talents lie where they do-again, not by choice. Without thinking, I send out mixed signals. I am a friendly, healthy hetero sexual female but I am often perceived as anything but. We have to be careful not to judge those who judge us.

Jay, be healthy and safe.

[Maria Kaminski]

Great article as usual Jay, and about a subject close to everyone's heart. I remember seeing you the first time on that trail and yes, you looked like a homeless person. I was blessed with being able to go beyond a persons looks, and look into their heart. I could not imagine you being a bad person because of what you were doing! But the world today is full of judgmental people who judge things such as age, financial status, tatoos, piercings, skin color, sexual orientation, looks, the list goes on and on. For me, it is hard for me not to judge someone who doesn't want to make things better for themselves. We all judge others when I feel myself judging others, I say to myself "judge not, least ye be judged" after all we all live in glass houses...